So Much
by Ballerina.Embers
Summary: Kakashi One Shot paird with no exact character in mind. Soft fluff It's very early in the morning, and someone's still up. "What if we deserve one another?"


Kakashi Hatake one shot. DOES NOT FEATURE ANY FEMALE OR MALE CHARACTER IN NARUTO, but you can pretend if you want. I made up the character as I went, and thought it was appropriate that I didn't state a name. God, I love 'Kashi.

**The songs I listened to while writing this were So Much by The Spill Canvas and Marry Me by St. Vincent. I recommend listening to those while reading this.**

**Kakashi + OC**

So Much

There was a brief second in my life where I believed that I could never be happy. Ever.

I had lost everything all at once. I wanted to play life like it was a game. I wanted to make friends, make love, make peace with death, but most of all, come out first in the game of life. I know it's not that simple, but I liked to imagine it was, for the sake of getting by. For the sake of living a life, even if I was really truly living a lie.

Then I came to this village, and slowly you started to accept me, just like everyone else.

I told people stories, true stories that weren't my own. The story of my life was a lie, I always told myself. I liked to say I had a family, not just a mother and father, but a lover and children of my own. It's a lie, but at least I did have a mother, father and siblings. When I say I lost everything, I really did. I lost them, and I only brought it on upon myself.

First they shunned me, like everyone else I had come to know through the years. Then they died.

I didn't have a lover, but I had someone like a lover who turned his back to me, and I know to this night he's probably sound asleep with a girl. A girl far prettier than I could ever be, who's probably smarter in every way, and skilled beyond my imagination with an even greater personality.

Me? I'm just a liar, and my lips are as red as my hands, and everyone can see it.

I don't know why you care, or even what caught your interest in the first place. Maybe it was the first story that caught your attention. The only story about myself that _isn't_ a lie. I told you about why I was shunned, I told you how I was assigned a certain mission, and why I dared to save my companions, even though I was fully aware that I would lose everyone. Then I told you lies. I filled my entire day with lies, and some how, you knew the truth. You knew I had no children of my own, let alone know I was married.

I think it was my bottle of sake that gave myself away.

I always carried it on my hip. Not out of reach and where I could always find it, kind of like how you carry that book of pornography around like it's nothing. I don't hassle you over it, though. Like a silent agreement, we both choose not to tell one another what to do and what not to do. I think it would be childish. You're certainly not childish… then again, at the same time, you are.

As I sit here in the dark, drinking more then a fish ever could, I realized something. I could never get drunk. I drink a lot, but for some reason, I just can't get drunk no matter how much I try. It wouldn't be long before I abandon the bottle and never touch it again. What's the point in drinking if you can't reach the desired state you aim for?

Placing the now empty bottle beside me, I held my cold hands tightly, trying to warm them up.

You know, anyone could have me. Anyone could have you, too. I don't know why you both trying to hold on to me, with you knowing who I am, what I am, and how shameful I seem. I'm pathetic, don't you see? You shouldn't get attached…

… I'm so attached to you, do you know? Anyone could have me, but after I've had you, I don't think I could bare the thought of my lips touching anyone elses. Your lips are so much softer then any other pair I've felt.

Even now, as I reach out a finger to run around your lip line, I crave for it. Moments ago, I was already in your arms, and now, as I lick my lips, I desire to be held by you again. You have no idea what you do to me…

I want to strike you down and tell you how wrong it is for you to exist. It's not fair, it isn't.

Then you do something that makes me gasp with surprise, and I get chills. So many chills and shivers, I tremble.

Your hand touches mine and holds it in place. I crumble on the inside as your lips generously kiss my skin. I feel heat take me over, but not the kind of heat you get when you're maddened by lust. No… this was just how I always became whenever you look at me, speak to me or touch me in anyway. Was it weird of me to be so delighted by you? Was it out of the ordinary to love you so much?

As you pull me in, I eagerly let myself be swept away beneath the blankets. Although the sun would be rising in an hour or so, I would waste a day with you if you ever wanted to. I wouldn't mind… I don't care if your squad would complain. I'd do anything to please you. Nuzzling and nestling in your chest, I feel secure in your arms.

This is the first time where I realized, _"You know, I can die in peace now." _Yeah…

Your lips touch my forehead, and I die inside. Your heart beats not too far from my ear, my legs entangled with yours. I want to tell you, I love you. I want to say, you don't have to. I want you to know, I don't deserve this attention. I don't deserve anything like this… but then I remember your story. You never told me your story, but I've heard of your past, and I know. I know very well that you're a liar, too. I can't help but think… _"What if we're meant to be?"_ And then… _"What if we deserve one another?"_

I don't think I could live if you were to treat me like those I left behind. I don't think I could go on if you left me alone… Concidering I'm so good to you. Maybe, if something were to happen to me, you won't realize I'm gone. I hate that thought… I hate it. I hate it so much, my heart throbs now… and I try not to cry.

"I know." You say, nuzzling in my hair, breathing. "It's okay…"

I couldn't help but think maybe you don't know, and then again, I think, maybe you do know… I feel the friction of my skin against yours and feel at peace, wrapping my arms around what I can and yawn, feeling that pain leave along with my worries.

Selfishly, some how, I'll claim you for my own. Completely, even if you don't feel the same. Maybe you do, but I don't think you understand how much I love you. I love you so much… there aren't enough words.

"I love you, too." I mouthed, but did not vocalize, for fear you might not return those words. I place a soft kiss over where your heart would be, and finally close my eyes. I dream of you, and I pray that when I wake, you'll still be there.


End file.
